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September 11th
September 11th, also known as 9/11, is the anniversary of the War on Terror. On that date in 2001, two passenger jets crashed into New York City's two largest skyscrapers, creating a big, big mess. The tragedy of that day precipitated the events that led to the creation of America's biggest miniseries, The Iraq War. Tragedy in the Skies At 8:46:30 a.m. on September 11th, 2001, The Today Show was doing a segment on "Diet Dishes for Your Man." Just as Katie Couric was about to try the "Low-Calorie Steak Substitute", the sound of a huge crash roared over the set. A stunned Couric fainted as the World Trade Center towers, headquarters of Donald Trump's business empire, lit up in a spectacular explosion. While NBC cameras didn't catch what had happened, security cameras from nearby buildings showed that two passenger jets had seemingly appeared out of nowhere and slammed into the towers. Stunned, America's television networks (except for Cartoon Network, whose coverage was animated in Korea and aired on November 11, 2002) immediately broke away from their programming to cover the tragic event. Two other planes also crashed on the same day, one into The Pentagon. To this day it is unknown whether those crashes were related to the incident in New York City. Theories About Who Was Responsible Terrorists The most popular theory about the disaster is that it was caused by terrorists from the Middle East. Angry at America for stealing all their oil, small groups of protesters began to form. Led by Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, these groups trained diligently for years. On September 11th, they took control of the airplanes and caused them to crash into the World Trade Center towers. Detractors say point out that America's high-tech airport security systems would have made such an event exceedingly unlikely. They also note that the attack plan made little sense and would have been suicidal if carried out. The CIA Supporters of this theory, who are mainly Democrats, believe that CIA agents dressed as terrorists boarded the planes. Using secret technology that they don't want the public to know about, they took control of the flights and beamed their agents out of the planes, Star Trek style, just before impact. Skeptics point out that the CIA is actually a harmless organization, dedicated to creating shows such as Iron Chef America and other Food Network programming. The Canadian government While Canada is now a peaceful land, in 2001 it was governed by the iron hand of King Friday XIII. The ruthless monarch, angered that American donuts were much better than the state-controlled Tim Horton brand, attacked North Dakota in 1971, forming the new Canadian state of North North Dakota. Some people argue that the King, still angry at America, is the most logical suspect in the 9/11 incident. Supporters of this theory note that America invaded Canada in 2003, searching for pilfered maple donuts. Opponents note that no maple donuts were found during the invasion, save for the cardboard-like Tim Horton variety. They also note that Canada has few airplanes and little technology with which to fly them. Magic The least popular of the widely accepted theories is that the September 11th incident was purely accidental. In this theory, Beastmaster Marc Singer and famed necromancer Doug Henning caused the airplanes to vanish just as they were about to slam into the "Hockey Hall of Fame" in Toronto, Ontario. Unfortunately, due to terribly complicated physics stuff, the planes reappeared in New York City, causing the 9/11 tragedy. Most people believe that this theory is wildly improbable. Aftermath of September 11th Following the attacks, former That's My Bush star President George W. Bush was hired by Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation to track down whoever was behind 9/11, and to do it in an entertaining fashion. Bush produced a mini-series, War in Afghanistan, which told the story of the ouster of the Taliban (a fictional stand-in for terrorists) and ended on a cliffhanger as their leader, Osama Bin Laden, narrowly escaped. Pleased with the increased ratings of Fox and the Fox News Channel following the broadcast, Murdoch had Bush create a full-scale miniseries, The Iraq War, which may or may not be continuing to this day, even we don't know anymore.